The Perfectionist

The opposing basic needs form inner conflicts. This is a good thing, because each of them is essential for survival. Our inner diversity helps us to control ourselves. It is comparable to driving a car. We have to accelerate to move forward and brake to avoid risks. We steer to the right or to the left. We rely on our intuition or let the GPS guide us.

So that we can decide according to the situation, we can choose between these extremes:

• Either we strive for safety: We must sense and react to dangers in good time.

• Or enforcement motivates us: we want to grow, survive adventures and develop our abilities.

• Either we seek belonging: We cannot and do not want to live alone. We need fellow human beings.

• Or we pay attention to our individual recognition: We want to be sensing and be proud of ourselves.

• Either we are curious about rationality: When we do something, we need to recognize the sense and reality of it.

• Or we are oriented with empathy: We want to pay responsible attention to emotional effects.

Every personality sets its own priorities, usually from birth. In the perfectionist’s ‘inner team’, recognition takes the lead.

We can imagine these opposing forces as people or personality parts that come together to form an inner team in our unconscious, in our dream world, to decide together what we should do in which situation.

To the right and left of recognition are the orientation needs of cognition and empathy, because if we want to convince with our works, we have to compare rationally, fact-oriented with certain standards (cognition), as well as starting from the effects, as it will be, for example, with musical perfection or the preparation of exquisite food, then the emotional concerns (empathy) count.

Our need for recognition likes to have enforcement at its side. Recognition also means that we want to force ourselves with our results. A kind of inner product test could form. Empathy not only wants to serve recognition because of its emotional effects, it also wants us to empathize with other people and act responsibly. This is entirely in the sense of safety, which also stands for preserver and protection.

At the head of the table, opposite recognition, the need for belonging has found its place. It ensures that we do not jeopardize contact with our fellow human beings. Enforcement and safety also work directly with other people. If we act alone in the world, successes make no sense, and if we do not take our fellow human beings into account, we cannot know whether they perceive us as a friend or an enemy. In any case, not aligning our work results with our fellow human beings could be problematic.

Those who seek applause for their work need an audience.

The perfectionist wants to be proud of what he achieves and wants to be satisfied with his work. If he succeeds in convincing all parts of his personality of his intentions, a peaceful atmosphere prevails in the inner team. It is in the sense of all basic needs if they are integrated and contribute to the common work. This could happen like this:

• Recognition (blue) compares alternatives. He is looking for the best option, which he then wants to optimize even further.

• Rationality (black) analyzes situations and ongoing change processes and researches alternative solutions.

• Empathy (white) seeks to empathize. It has a nose for certain consequences and doesn’t like some things.

• Enforcement (red) wants to actively participate in certain situations and fight for everything that is important if necessary.

• Safety (green) is an attentive observer and ensures order and reliability.

• Belonging (yellow) wants to hear opinions and takes care of communication with those involved.

Because these personality traits stand for different and opposing needs, they need a common orientation. As long as we are not consciously clear about how we want to live, what makes sense for us and how we can confidently go our own way, the members of the inner team turn to consciousness with dreams, thoughts and feelings.

The inner team demands order and a holistic concept.

We are looking for a future scenario that satisfies all six opposing basic needs and fits the perfectionist’s personality. The better we succeed in incorporating all emotional aspects, i.e. all opposing basic needs, into our plans, the more we feel the energy for a task that really satisfies us. …