The Supporter

The opposing basic needs form inner conflicts. This is a good thing, because each of them is essential for survival. This inner diversity helps us to control ourselves. We are free and can choose between these extremes:

• Either we strive for safety: we have to perceive dangers in good time and react.

• or for enforcement: we want to grow, survive adventures and develop our abilities.

• Either we seek belonging: We cannot and do not want to live alone. We need fellow human beings.

• or pay attention to our individual recognition: We want to be sensing and be proud of ourselves.

• Either we are curious about knowledge: When we do something, we need to recognize the sense and reality of it.

• or we are empathically oriented: we want to live harmoniously with ourselves and with others.

Every personality sets its own priorities, usually from birth. If we imagine that these forces articulate themselves as personality traits, then we arrive at the idea of an inner team in which they gather and try to influence our conscious decisions.

In the supporter’s ‘inner team’, safety and empathy have the highest priority. If we imagine that each need is represented by a deity, which the ancient mythologies tell us about, then these two preside over this round and are advised by the others.

Safety and empathy are the ‘bosses’ of the inner team. From childhood onwards, they determine our feelings and therefore our behavior.

The decisions of the part of the personality that strives for safety are supported by the need for knowledge. It is all about facts if we want to perceive reality rationally.

Our empathy is oriented towards the feelings of people who are close to us. This warm-hearted orientation influences our striving for belonging.

At the head of the table we find the team members striving for recognition and enforcement. They also want and should get their due, but it should be reasonable and not harm anyone.

The supporter knows that safety (green, consistency, reliability) needs empathy (white, empathy, harmony), because the world around us is far too complex to take everything into account. And empathy, for its part, needs safety in order to be attentive to what is happening and to recognize dangers.

These two priorities dominate and primarily determine the supporter’s feelings, thinking and actions. If they are satisfied, their inner team will work together peacefully. For this to happen, however, the other basic needs must also be integrated and taken into account. This could happen like this:

• Yellow (belonging) takes care of communication and the motivation of those involved or affected.

• Black (realization) analyzes the situations and ongoing change processes and researches alternative solutions.

• Blue (recognition) compares alternatives. He is looking for the best option.

• Red (enforcement) has a desire to actively participate in certain situations and to fight for what is important if necessary.

All instances use their own sensory channels.

• Green safety wants to be able to grasp, comprehend and, if necessary, hold on to something.

• White empathy wants to empathize. It has a nose for certain consequences and doesn’t like some things.

• Black cognition wants to look at the situation from different perspectives. It mainly uses motor skills.

• Yellow belonging listens to partners and friends in order to coordinate with them.

• Blue recognition is looking for the best possible solution, which it tends to find in its self-talk.

• The red need for assertiveness goes through the world with open eyes. It has visions and wants to be able to see opportunities early on.

Because these personality traits represent different and opposing needs, they need a common direction. As long as we are not consciously clear about how we want to live, what makes sense for us and how we can confidently go our own way, the members of the inner team turn to consciousness with dreams, thoughts and feelings.

The inner team demands order and a holistic orientation.

What is sought is a future scenario that satisfies all six opposing basic needs and fits the supporter’s personality. The better we succeed in incorporating all emotional aspects, i.e. all opposing basic needs, into the plans, the more we feel the energy for a task that really satisfies us. The supporter consciously listens to their feelings. This allows the basic needs to express themselves when something is lacking.   …